Car 54, Where Are You?

Because their partnership has lasted so long, the secret service choose Toody and Muldoon to drive the president to the U.N. Unfortunately, Muldoon is incapacitated by the stress of ferrying his hero, Kennedy.

Francis and Lucille get the wrong idea, while watching a steamy movie on TV, that each loves the other.

When a medical doctor sees similarities between two oxen yoked together for 10 years and Car 54's occupants, the boys try to behave out-of-sync, but fail.

The boys recount what happened when Schnauser was taken off his mounted police route.

When the 53rd precinct Whippoorwills audition for Mitch Miller, it's clear which of the 4 is the problem, but who will tell Toody?

Mrs. Bronson causes trouble again -- by moving in to her promised apartment on the day it was promised to her -- but it's not finished! Once again she's adept at deflecting all opponents.

A fortune-telling scam ring mistakes Leo as royalty, and calls Sylvia with the news. Another mistake has the con artists convincing an undercover Toody that he's royalty, and Leo's his brother.

Muldoon's sister Peggy lands a part in the play "Waiting for Wednesday" and the boys of the 53rd Precinct become financial backers before learning that it's a gritty play about police brutality.

Toody winds up undercover as part of a mob ring. His intimate knowledge of the area (bank layouts, burglar alarms & patrolmen habits) makes him a better crook than cop.

When Toody takes care of Captain Block's parrot, he decides to teach it to talk. But this backfires when he says he hates Captain Block in front of the bird, and the parrot begins repeating it.

Sylvia Schnauser goes into delusional rapture when asked to plug cookies on television.

The boys finally bust a nasty nuisance in the Park - "Pretzel Mary". When they see her deplorable living conditions they replace her furniture - not realizing what they're taking away.

When the boys of the 53rd Precinct suddenly show an interest in the clean and uplifting Broadway epic "Little Miss Pioneer," so does the prurient public.

After overhearing the Captain rehearsing a play in his office, the boys think he's a kleptomaniac! They "cover" for him by re-stealing all his Xmas presents. Can they make things right by the end of Christmas Eve?

To get girl-shy Francis to ask the Captain's niece to the Mardi Gras Ball, the 53rd conspires to boost his ego. Suddenly, he's a Casanova! Who will go to the Ball?

A gang buys the cursed eatery next to the bank to drill through the common wall into the vault -- but the boys of the 53rd stop by to see how they're doing, and help them establish a luncheonette instead.

Benny's up for parole yet again, and the boys are sure he's going straight now. They set him up w/a candy store, and when he gets "in trouble" and tries mightily to get back in jail, the 53rd won't hear of it

An unexpected challenger vies to unseat Muldoon in his bid to be reelected as president of the policeman's Brotherhood Club.

The boys chaperon two Russian ambassadors, and turn them into American capitalists.

Muldoon's father, Patrick was a police captain and a hero -- or was he?

Gunther and Lucille Toody are trying to make some extra money. They decide to rent a room,taking in a preacher as a paying boarder. He seems as honest as the day is long but is he actually who he says he is?

After Tooday tells Muldoon that "today's a very important day",Muldoon,the men & high ranking officials,try to figure out why it is.

The boys of the 53rd Precinct attempt to help rehabilitate chronically drunk Charlie by finding him a job where he won't be tempted to drink, but the officers'regular visits to check up on Charlie have an unnerving effect on his teetotalist coworkers. A Larry Storch tour de force!

When the boys find out that no one is going to the Bar Mitzvah of one boy on their basketball team because of his hated father, they spring into action.

A criminal gang bases its heists on the plots of the television program "Crimebusters," which program is also one of Officer Toody's favorite shows.

When a septuagenarian delicatessen owner reports he will be marrying Joan Crawford, the boys of the 53rd are sent out to bust the phony matrimonial service that promises to pair its clients with Hollywood movie stars.

Lucille is upset over turning 40, so Gunther decides to surprise her by buying her a wig for a birthday gift, a deceptively simple endeavor fraught with misunderstanding and melodrama when nosy Sylvia Schnauser stumbles upon the scheme.

Sylvia Schnauser helps the police dept. to set a trap for con artists posing as book publishers.

At the begging and pleading of a girl (Shari Lewis) at a local beauty parlor, Toody and Muldoon enlist the help of champion boxer, (Sugar Ray Robinson) in a scheme to discourage a local male hair dresser at the same parlor from continuing his amateur boxing career.

A jinx arrives at the 53rd and continues his streak of bringing bad luck wherever he goes.