This Is Not Happening

Ari Shaffir reveals the grossest thing he's ever done to a friend, and Sal Vulcano explains why he once held a pair of pants for ransom.

Doug Stanhope was part of a love triangle that turned fatal, Lavell Crawford had a scary near-drowning moment, and Greg Behrendt experienced a cancer scare while on drugs.

Maria Bamford describes her nervous breakdown, Andrew W.K. remembers a nightmarish public performance, and Al Jackson explains a horrible show he was tricked into doing.

Ari Shaffir gets into the Christmas spirit, Brian Regan becomes the campaign manager for a dog, and Rory Scovel pinpoints the moment he grew up.

Louie Anderson gives lip to FBI agents who come to his house, Liza Treyger's drinking spirals out of control, and Bonnie McFarlane gets accused of burning her house down.

Big Jay Oakerson loses his virginity, Julian McCullough makes a giant mistake for love, and Bobby Lee ruins an orgy.

Sean Flannery narrowly survives a bad fall, Russell Peters performs for a Saudi prince, and Bert Kreischer gets involved in a sex show.

Ari Shaffir's scavenger hunt goes wrong, Steve Rannazzisi hangs out with Santa Claus, and Nick Thune experiences a fart that may have kept him out of jail.

Tom Papa goes on an adventure with his fun uncle, Steve Simeone engages in an epic video game war, and Gastor Almonte becomes Batman.

Ali Siddiq plots to get revenge on a prison guard, Greg Fitzsimmons encounters a talented heckler, and Joey Diaz gets into a fight with a nun.